How to identify an abuser

Dating violence, or intimate partner violence (IPV) is any sort of controlling or abusive behavior that exists in a dating situation or romantic relationship by someone who is an abuser.  It can happen in both heterosexual as well as LGBT relationships. The violence or abuse can take various forms including one or more forms of verbal, emotional, physical or sexual abuse.  According to a US Department of Justice survey, one in three women, one in ten men, and one in two transgender individuals are victims of dating violence.

Common traits exhibited by people who were abusive or violent:

• the person is jealous and possessive, does not allow you to have friends and is always keeping tabs on the other person
• make every attempt to control by telling the victim what to do, where to go, what to wear, etc.
• do not allow the victim to make decisions for themselves
• they embarrass, threaten or scare the victim into not speaking their mind for fear of reprisal or physical harm
• may have damaged property, abused animals or other partners in the past, have a history of fighting or be quick to lose their temper
• they may blame the victim for everything and fail to take any responsibility for their actions
• they will deny, deflect or rationalize the things they have done to make them seem like they were fine or no big deal
• They may have a misconstrued or out-of-touch interpretation about how relationships are supposed to be

Key factors to look for in your partner are:

• Extreme Jealousy
• Possessiveness
• Emotional Abuse
• Physical Abuse
• Explosive Anger
• Mood Swings
• Alcohol and Drug Use/Abuse

There is a cycle or circle of violence that occurs among these people:

A) Tension builds up
B) Violence erupts in a variety of forms
C) Seduce the victim to stay with them and then back to A)

If you find yourself in a relationship as described here, be very careful and recognize what is happening around you and to you. Do not get caught up in the cycle of violence that being in a relationship of this sort produces. You may find it necessary to speak with someone at your school about the problem.

In extreme cases, tell the police if you feel that you are in danger of physical harm or in fear for your life. Do not wait! Many victims thought that the other person would change or that things would be different “this time.” Don’t be fooled—get help and get out!

For more in-depth information, statistics and more including a dating violence quiz, visit http://www.NationalSave.org

If you are a victim of dating violence, visit the following link for help:
https://www.womenshealth.gov/violence-against-women/types-of-violence/stalking.html